My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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