So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
