so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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