You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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