toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
