i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize