I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
