haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
