Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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