No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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