Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
