yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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