I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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