Don't you send me to vm
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
