if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
