hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
