I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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