I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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