Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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