In the future we'll all be gay
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
