Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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