Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
