Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize