I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Dick very happy bro
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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