Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
