imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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