even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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