Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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