I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
