he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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