So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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