oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
