Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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