One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
