why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i've created a new STD.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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