ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
