is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
