im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
