You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
