Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize