the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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