we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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