I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
