True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
