So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
