I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
