My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
