one two three fourrrrnication!
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
