Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize