We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
