shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
