just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
