I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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