ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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