My cat gives me a boner
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
