Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
