Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
