Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
