Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize