i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
