Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
