Cold hands, warm shart.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
