I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
