I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
