There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
