I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
