I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
