Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
