If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Randomize
