So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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