we'll go far in life on tits alone.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
