I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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