People in love make me want to vomit
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
