Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
literally had 100 drinks last night.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
