does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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