Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
