OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Im part way to drunk.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
