mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
