Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
