She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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