I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
