Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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