ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize