she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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