So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
