laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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