How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
