didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
