she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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