I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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