You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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