I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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