very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
