If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
