apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We had to coat check the pizza.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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