i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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