Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
