I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
