when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
