I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
