Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
